poem
a piece of writing that partakes of the nature of both speech and song that is nearly always rhythmical, usually metaphorical, and often exhibits such formal elements as meter, rhyme, and stanzaic structure
1
untitled
I’m trying to figure out
the best way to say
what I need to say
to come to
a place where things make sense
without being offensive
without y’all getting defensive.
You see, I’ve been “inspired by recent events”
Like the email dad wrote me
That I thought
would be different.
Recent events.
Thought he meant my little brother
who had been to jail
then the hospital
but y’all
that wasn’t it at all.
Instead of compassion
for my brother
he spoke of passion for another
conspiracy theory of
right wing politics.
I’m sorry my brothers, my sisters,
our dad doesn’t care about us
more than to think us heretics
because we don’t subscribe
to that mess.
Five kids and six grands
Eleven humans standing on this earth
And he knows nothing of us.
Doesn’t give a f*ck about us.
From near the moment of my birth
I’ve strived to please him
to drive the ball out of the back
to show that nothing is lacking.
Perfection.
He didn’t demand it, rather
He passively put us down
if we didn’t stand in front of him
with an A plus.
"Which question did you miss?"
"Is your eyesight amiss?"
He set a high bar
but he wasn’t able…
he was emotionally unavailable
as a result, I’m unstable.
Let me ask you this, dad
what about my happiness?
(2019)
2
April 2022
3
it’s the not knowing
the not knowing if I’ll see the way he winks at me
with both eyes
the not knowing if I’ll hear the enticing sound
of his giggle
the not knowing if I’ll hear him say ‘hey bek’
as only he does
the not knowing if i'll hear his accent
in person
the not knowing the when, where, why, how
of my exit
from their lives
of their exit
from mine
July 2022
4
Under the Mask
I’m so afraid of everything
It’s exhausting
I try to be mindful as they say
To ground myself
But without my coping mechanism of overthought
I get scared of the bigger things
Like the complexities of life
And the inevitability of death
And so I return to overthought to find comfort
Because it’s what I know
Then I find myself - again - exhausted
And the cycle repeats
I feel like the scared little kid that I always have been
I just want someone to rescue me from it
To tell me it’s going to be ok
And that’s too much to put on anyone
I’m the only one who is going to be rescuing me
Most days I don’t think I can do it
Or if I can, it won’t be anytime soon
Because it involves slowing down
And slowing down is foreign
And when I try I’m only reminded that
I’m so afraid of everything.
November 7, 2022 (12:44 a.m.)